As I stood in the play centre, I had one eye on my toddler who was furiously attempting to climb up a slide meant for much older kids, while also trying to concentrate on the conversation I was having with another Mum. I could feel my pulse start to quicken. While I knew I was in a conversation, the words were starting to sound muffled and I could not concentrate on what the other Mum was saying. The deafening noise of the play centre started to buzz and I tried to take some long deep breaths in to calm down, while simultaneously keep the conversation going and being poised to chase my son.
This is what the onset of an anxiety attack feels like.
Motherhood is a dizzying journey of highs and lows. Of poop and pumpkin puree being smeared across walls. I have no doubt that I am an excellent Mum. I have always wanted to have babies, and I have a well developed maternal side.
But I also have anxiety.